Motivational Mondays

Well Canucks fans, it's a little late today, but Motivational Monday is back to get your week started! It's the first day of spring and you know what that means. That's right! It's the 140th anniversary of Otto Von Bismarck being appointed the Chancellor of Germany! Never thought you would learn anything here did ya? Well, RKP is more than a little fond of history. In fact, we've always had a thing for history but history doesn't even know we exist. Bah, enough of that, this is supposed to be motivational! Emotionally uplifting and such. So sit back, Fellow History Buff, and get motivated.

Dave Babych was one hell of a Canuck, and he continues to do great work in the front office, but I wouldn't use the term 'reflections of tumbleweeds' to describe his play. Not to mention the fact he looks a hell of alot like Bure in this trading card.

Thank god we don't have the Sedins in Wranglers on trading cards these days, that's just terrifying. There's something to be said about fashion in the NHL and it seems to be terrible every time you look back at it.

 

That's right, RKP is giving you fashion tips because as Jim Rome says, "Look good, feel good. Feel good, play good. Play good, get payed good."

Enough about fashion. But seriously, looking good is important and if you can't look good, then hide yourself in a good looking van.

And with that, I hope you're feeling a bit better about the week ahead. Just remember, playoffs are right around the corner, and the Whitecaps took a page out of the Canucks' playbook and kicked Toronto's ass.

Jannik Hansen: The Song

So I was at the Roxy the other night (actually I haven't been there in years, but it's a good segway), when I realized that the Canucks need on official song for this year's playoff push. Others have attempted at it, but I feel like it needs to represent more than just the 16 year old "wigger" market of East Van. Therefore, I have taken the latest internet music craze not named Justin Bieber and added a bunch of stolen (thanks TSN, CBC, and Rogers Sportsnet!) sound clips to make what I can only call: Jannik Hansen.

Enjoy.

The Secret History of Raffi Torres

In today's frenzied hockey media, some hockey gurus preach that kids can grow up to be just like their favourite NHLers. We here at RKP think that this is an admirable goal for the leaders of tomorrow but hockey players, like all people, have a history rarely mentioned in the media. With that in mind we'll be showing you some of the secrets behind members of your Vancouver Canucks and how they got to be who they are today. For now, we'll start with the basics and stay away from the superstars; we'll concentrate instead on one of the most alluring canucks: Raffi Torres.

Much like a bowling ball, Raffi Torres has never let anything get in his way. Even though he was born in Toronto, he still manages to be a nice guy. He was born to an immigrant family and is the second youngest of three brothers.

Little Raffi took to hockey at a young age and was consistently one of the best players on the ice. His coach would tell him that he was afraid to do what it took to win. Young Torres took this to heart and soon he left for the Peruvian jungle where he became an adrenalin junkie for a short while.

This flirtation with the wild side of life lasted until he had a terrifying run-in with a flock of angry macaws while spelunking, convincing him to return to a life of hockey.

Upon his return to Canada, Torres began to once again climb the ranks of the hockey world. He was drafted 5th overall by the Islanders and was traded to the Oilers after 2 seasons. Everything was going grand until Torres overheard coach Craig Mactavish say he didn't like the soul patch that Raffi was working on at the time.

Raffi was devastated by this betrayal and in the off-season he tried to change careers to get away from the 'big meanies' in Edmonton. He tried being a professional clown, but kids were too terrified by his act. Repulsed by the animosity he felt, Raffi instead turned to singing for children and was far more successful.

After pumping out numerous albums in one summer, and gaining the admiration of children worldwide, Torres felt he was ready for a return to hockey. Upon practicing however, he found he had lost one key part of his game. Having used up all of his creativity writing such great songs as Baby Beluga, he found he could no longer celebrate his amazing goal scoring. So with that, he turned to a chimpanzee who had toured with him doing children's shows. "Chimps Ahoy," Raffi would later recall, "was the only one who could see into my soul and heal my wounded creativity."

With that, Raffi returned to the game he loved once more. Eventually he would find his way to the beautiful city of Vancouver and the rest is history.

WARNING: Children looking to be like Raffi Torres should not try to look like him. Do NOT inhale too much helium in an attempt to get bulgy eyes like Torres. At best, you'll sound like Jannik Hansen; At worst, you'll sound like Hanson.

The Interview Bomber: What You Didn't See

Those of us Canucks fans that don't currently live under rocks have come to love the hilarity in Kesler's apparent obsession with what he calls "Interview Bombing." Kes' first real stand-out appearance came during a mundane Raffi Torres interview and perhaps became most celebrated after the big win in San Jose the other night when fans saw him wearing Lui's mask while Schneider was being interviewed. The Canucks and their online team have taken full advantage of Kesler's antics, and some people have even gone as far as naming blogs after the ordeal (weirdos). But, while Canucks.com released this compilation video, they seem to have missed some pretty important ones away from the dressing rooms of the NHL:

Who doesn't remember the monumental occasion on November 7th, 2009, when then new President Obama held his first ever press conference? Obama represented change, and Americans thought they had found the solution to their recession. One American, however, was happier to just witness the occasion from the President's point of view...

Earlier that year on February 9th, 2009, Alex Rodriguez rocked the sporting world when he held a press conference to publicly admit to taking steroids. Everyone was so shocked and appalled at A-Rod, that no one seemed to notice who was "Keslurking" in the background...

With that evidence in mind, we should no longer be surprised to see our favourite perennial Selke candidate lurking in the back of an interview with that lovable shit-eating grin on his face.

Motivational Mondays

Well it looks like someone has a case of the Mondays. Is it you? Is your boss or loved ones telling you that you're just not motivated today? Rather than fighting through this weekly apathy with half a pot of coffee or an extra-large Chili Four Loko, we at RKP bring you our inaugural(and hopefully weekly) Motivational Monday. So sit back fine Weekend Warrior, save Sandstorm for Friday afternoon where it belongs, and get motivated!

Maybe fear is what motivates you, head nod to PITB for the correct terminology.

We're not sure what the Sedins are, but we know we love them! You too can be just like them if you follow the RKP 5 easy steps.

We love it when Burrows is playing well, but it's when he's speaking to the media that he sounds as smooth as velour.

Feeling motivated yet? If not, maybe you need a little...

Finally, we here at RKP are not above a cheap laugh. If you're not motivated by now, there's no hope... Or is there?

Rypien's Back... and Hairier Than Ever!

Everyone's favoutire little enforcer Rick Rypien finally broke his silence to the faithful Manitoban media today. Rypien, who has been out on a leave of absence from the Canucks since November 25th for personal reasons, didn't open up about what kept him away from the team but did end the speculation that drugs and/or alcohol had any involvement in the matter.

The Canucks have loaned Rypper to the Moose on a conditioning stint and the NHL has granted him more than the usual two weeks down there. Due to the restrictions on AHL conditioning stints, he is not allowed to play in the AHL playoffs unless in an emergency situation, so we can only speculate that he will be back for the NHL playoffs.

Speaking of playoffs, despite probably being out of shape from not playing, Rypien sure looks ready for the playoffs. Check out how bad ass his pre-playoff beard is:

Moose GM Craig Heisinger sums it up beautifully when he says "I wasn't sure if we got a hockey player or a longshoreman." As if we didn't want the Canucks to go deep into the playoffs already, now we have even more incentive as one can only imagine how much more bad ass his beard can become by June.

Canucks recall Oreskovich

For the second time this season, the Canucks have recalled winger Viktor Oreskovich, unfortunately no relation to former Playmate Alesha Oreskovich, from the Manitoba Moose. In Oreskovich's previous stint with the big boys, he posted one assist in eight games with a +/- of -1 to go along with his 2 PIM and 12 hits. This comes in the wake of Raymond's shoulder injury. Though AV claims its not serious, it should be assumed that he will slot into the RW position on the 4th line if MayRay can't play in Pheonix Tuesday. This would also result in Tamby flanking Kes on the 2nd line. Oreskovich is a proud alumni of the Green Bay Gamblers of the USHL, but you can bet on it that he won't see more than 5 or 6 minutes of even strength play.